by Cyn

The battle was over; Ninmuye Karakyu and all that other shit. It's the same thing day in and day out. It's gotten to the point where I don't even want to wake up anymore. There's only one thing that keeps me from giving it up and is keeping me from leaving.

Yuy. Yeah, Heero Yuy. Mr. IceMan, Mr. Perfect fucking soldier.

Bah. That's melodramatic. I don't really mean that, I mean in a small way I do but I would never stop fighting for my colony and for the sake of eventual peace but there almost wouldn't be a reason to do so if Yuy wasn't going to be there at the end of it. Hell he's probably not going to be there at the end anyway given the way he abuses himself and his love of self-destruction.

It's extremely hard to be lusting after a person who doesn't care about you except for the sake of the mission.

Did I say lust? Yeah. It's lust but it's something more than that too. It's in the way that he's always in the back of my mind; how I always want to be near him no matter what the cost. And believe me being next to Yuy is always at a cost. Yuy doesn't deal well with distractions of any kind and to him I am a constant one. I'm not even trying to distract him, I just want him to get up and do something that doesn't involve a mission

I know it's never going to happen but a person can wish can't they? Just once I wish that I could talk to him and not hear omae o kosouro thrown in my face.

I don't even know why the hell I'm so attracted to him. At first he was just some guy. A guy trying to kill some girl that had a big fucking mouth; but still just some guy. Then he became an object to be eliminated, then a partner in destruction, and then maybe a friend.

Oi. I can't understand this. I shouldn't feel this way about a boy, never mind a fellow pilot. It's a sin. A horrible debasing sin; but I can't stop it. I'm not even sure if I want to.

What would you do Yuy if I told you that I wanted you? What would you do if I told you that I wanted to fuck your brains out? That I wanted to make you smile at me, that I wanted to wake up curled up next to you, that I wanted to take your sweet cock in my mouth and swallow you whole?

Gods in my mind eye I can just see what I would do to you. I can see you, eyes half closed and your chest rising and falling as your breath comes quicker as I lick around the tip and the underside of the head. Your hands would reach up to tangle in my hair trying to grab some semblance of control. You don't realize that I've got the power here.

Great and mighty Heero Yuy brought to a quivering mass by me. It's a thought that goes straight down to my groin and makes me even harder. Hell, I didn't think it was possible to get any harder!

Just chalk up one more sin on my list for confession. I've been beating off daily since meeting him and one more time isn't going to make a difference on my road to hell.

It never seems to help no matter how much I do it. Instead of relieving tension it seems that it just keeps building up and getting worse.

The only that could possibly relieve this state is for me to burst into Yuy's room and throw myself on him. I'd love to grab that thick hair and force his mouth down on me. He is the perfect soldier, I bet he would give the perfect blowjob once he got used to it. That mouth of his looks nice and deep.

I bet you could take me deep into your throat.

I can almost feel him instead of my hand. His tongue running up the underside of my cock; licking at the head then sucking me in totally. I can just picture his saccharine mouth in an O around me; his eyes closed in concentration.

His hand strays down to grasp himself and I can feel the tremors through his body into mine as he starts to tug rapidly. He's much rougher with himself than I would be with him.

He's getting more and more rapid with his jerking and with the strokes of his mouth. I can feel my release building up in me, uncoiling like a serpent ready to strike.

Grab his head and drive it down. I need this. Damnit, I need him.

Fuck. It's over. I'm done and just left with a mess. No love or devotion, no after screw cuddling, just a wet sticky mess and a cold bed. No happy ever after either.

If nothing else I'm relaxed enough to sleep now.

Good night Yuy. Ai shiteriu you bastard.

Find more of Cyn at Dreaming of Faith.